


Pest Control Programs

by AndreaLyn



Category: Tin Man (2007)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 14:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2584907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cain should have listened better when a Pest Control Operator warned him how to keep pests out of his domain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pest Control Programs

PEST CONTROL PRINCIPLE #1:  _When protecting your establishment and/or home from pests, it is key to practice good sanitation. If they do not find any place to settle, they will not be back._  
  
*  
  
In the event that pests occur, good sanitation is a key deterrent. This was one of the basics that Cain was counting on as he lurked through his room and began to pick and prod at the things that might attract such crafty little creatures. He took away shiny objects. He removed journal pages. He made absolutely sure there wasn’t a book on physics in the nearby vicinity because they could  _sniff_  those out. And the biggest one of all, he made sure there were no handcuffs to be played with.  
  
Advisors, after all, were a very persistent and resilient creature.  
  
They would come into your room and sniff out objects they found curious or inviting or enticing (which were the worst of all) and would sit down with them and refuse to move for hours at a time. If you were truly unlucky, it might be days. In the case of Cain, he happened to be very poor at keeping his room tidy of the clutter that attracted these wayward pests.  
  
In fact, he had found one that kept on returning time and time again that he just couldn’t happen to get rid of. Of course, feeding it probably did Cain no favours.   
  
The pest happened to be perched upon the chair and snacking from the box of chocolates that Cain had brought to his room when he discovered his very favorite confectionary store had reopened its doors, only two annuals after the Great Eclipse.   
  
“These are very good, you know. They say the cherries come from the Otherside.”  
  
“I know,” Cain commented in reply, setting his bags down, “it’s why they cost me so much money for such a small pack.” And there he stood watching Ambrose devour them as if they cost nothing at all, licking his lips to enjoy the succulent treat.   
  
Cain really should have known better than to leave out something for Ambrose’s sweet tooth. At this rate, he was never going to be rid of the man.  
  
*  
  
PEST CONTROL PRINCIPLE #2:  _When you are looking for evidence of pests, look for signs that they have begun to build themselves a nest in which to return to._  
  
It happened very slowly and almost alarmingly, Cain noticed.  
  
At first it had just been one textbook and Ambrose had sworn to take it away in due time. One textbook had turned into two textbooks and a jacket, then a velvet satchel and then a sheath of papers regarding the Reunification of the O.Z., and then there was the pair of trousers and the shoes and the suspenders (“I like them. They keep my pants up.”), then came the  _bed pillow_. That had been the last straw and that was when Cain looked around his room and realized that a good quarter of the possessions didn’t belong to him.  
  
Ambrose was nesting.   
  
Cain tried to dispose of some of the items by placing them in a box in the hallway, but that had little to no effect on the situation at hand. Ambrose just generally brought everything back in and set it up on drawers and tabletops in the way some people would display little figurines.   
  
Cain had debated saying something about it, but at least it wasn’t anything grand and obtuse, like a piano.  
  
When the piano got moved in, he had to swear that Ambrose either could read his thoughts or was  _just that annoying_.   
  
*  
  
PEST CONTROL PRINCIPLE #3:  _If you are not careful, the habitation of these pests in your domain may have adverse side effects upon your health._  
  
Cain couldn’t sleep.   
  
Scratch that. He could sleep, he just hadn’t had a good and restful night of it since Ambrose had started bedding with him, citing that Cain’s bed was far more comfortable and “hey! Since it’s big enough for two, where’s the issue, huh?” Since he couldn’t exactly say no to that without needing a reason he didn’t have, he had allowed Ambrose into the bed and thus had began the chronicles of Cain not getting enough sleep because Ambrose kicked and shifted and was generally restless in bed, along with the fact that he spoke in his sleep.   
  
Every morning he woke up too tired to get through a day without a nap and every night, he would find himself in the same position.   
  
He stared at the ceiling and listened to the snuffling little snoring noises before wincing at the kick he got in the back of the knees.  
  
He hissed a less than charitable chain of words under his breath.  
  
“My mother is not,” Ambrose sleepily retorted before falling back to that same deep sleep in which he so happily abused Cain with noise, kicking, and endless sleep deprivation.   
  
*  
  
PEST CONTROL PRINCIPLE #4:  _If you are not extremely careful about your control practices, the pest may become permanent._  
  
The things stayed.  
  
The sleeping schedule persisted.  
  
No matter what Wyatt Cain tried to do to get rid of Ambrose, he had infested his room and he had no intentions of leaving. Worse, he seemed intent on spawning new bad habits, or so Cain thought to himself the moment Ambrose’s lips pressed against Cain’s and they shared an incredibly awkward first kiss.  
  
“Um,” said Ambrose.  
  
“Yeah,” replied Cain.   
  
At least, Cain thought to himself that night, the piano had quite a good and strong plane on which they could have some incredibly athletic sex. Maybe, he thought, just maybe, he had discovered the Realm’s one pest that came with a good side effect (or three, if you included that  _thing_  those two things that Ambrose could do with his tongue).   
  
He just hoped that no one else in the city was bound to get an infestation from this particular Advisor.  
  
At least, not until he was done with those other two things.


End file.
